Tuesday, October 21, 2014

dear Stella - a letter to my daughter about embracing femininity

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My Dearest Stella-

I am sorry that this is the world in which you are growing up. It's a world that tells us as women that our bodies are broken, that there is something wrong with them and that we need intervention in order to fix them.

They offer birth control pills to put off pregnancy because "it's just not fair that men don't have to carry babies but we do." Abortion to rid ourselves of that burden in case the pills fail and we accidentally get pregnant. Egg freezing so that we can have babies later when we do decide that it's time. And all for what? So we can "be like men" and have a career? Daughter, the truth is that keeping a home and raising children is an admirable and respectable career. It's a career that carries with it far more influence and power than it receives credit for.

All of these "solutions" imply that the very nature of how our bodies work as a woman needs correction, assistance and help. Supposedly we're broken and we need to be fixed. Nuh uh. You are not broken. You were made in the image of your Creator. He designed you with perfection and skill. You do not need to change the way you were made to function. Sweet girl, what you do need to do is embrace your femininity. Own it. Live it. And don't ever support efforts to change it because they all carry with them the same message- you're broken and you need to be fixed. What a big fat lie.

When you find yourself believing that lie, when you start to think that being a woman is hard, my prayer for you is that you'll remember who God made you to be, and how much He cherishes you as that person. You are distinctly female. You carry within your heart and soul feminine qualities- qualities that no man can possess. Press into those things. Embrace those things.

Daughter, you are the crown of creation. Over the course of six glorious, incredible days, God made the earth and the expanses of the sky, the universe, the sun and the moon. He filled the earth with water and land and everything that walks and swims and crawls and flies. He planted seeds and trees and made them grow. And he made a man. And He said that it was good. It was all so, so good. But do you know what was not good? For man to be alone. And do you know how He solved that? He made a woman. Woman, the very last created being in the entire creation story. And with her, it was all complete. Finished. Done. Because, after that, He rested from His work. It was complete.

He crowned creation with the beauty and femininity of woman. And He adores you sweet girl. He loves you and dotes on you. You bless Him and He delights in you just.the.way.you.are. Just the way He made you.

Do you see why there is no change that needs to be made? Do you see why I can so confidently tell you that you are not broken, you are not in need of help, you don't need a solution for your femininity? Because, you never were broken. There never was anything wrong. There is nothing you need to change or apologize for in being distinctly female.

Stella, I thank God every day for who He made you to be. You are a daughter of the Most High King. You are the beautiful and wonderful and delightful work of His hands. What a glorious and incredible gift you are to me, to your family, and to those around you. Don't you ever think of yourself as anything less than that. Because you are actually so much more, worth so much more. You have within you a divine dignity.

I love you sweet girl and so does Jesus. I pray that you will never ever forget that Jesus loves you and that the truth of that knowledge will penetrate your heart and cause you to live for His glory, chasing after Him with total abandon all the days of your life.

And I cannot wait to watch as that happens.

With all the love a mother can give,

Your mommy


  1. Ugh....really? You think birth control pills are offered so that women can put off being pregnant just because they resent the fact that men can't bear children? How deluded are you? Do you not think that maybe some married women might take the pill so that they can enjoy sex with their husbands, as God intends, but that they might also want to wait to have children so that they can ensure that they can adequately provide for them, and so that they are born into a loving home with parents who truly want them and are prepared to devote their lives to being good parents? Does your narrow little mind not allow for that possibility at all, or is it just easier, because YOU choose to be a stay at home wife and mother, to judge anyone who doesn't do that, and chalk it up to "women don't want to be inconvenienced and resent men because they can't get pregnant".

    You choose to not work outside of your home and to be a wife and mother and nothing else. Nothing wrong with that. What there IS something wrong with is your judgment of anyone who doesn't do that, and who doesn't follow your life path. You are truly baffling to me. I've never come across anyone as unnecessarily and unfairly critical as you are. You spew nothing but hate and criticism at those who don't make choices that you agree with, and you hide behind the Bible to justify your cruelty. You will be judged for your arrogance and your hypocrisy at the end of your time on this earth; you can be certain of that. We will all be judged by our Creator. We do not need to be judged by YOU. YOU are not on this earth to make people feel badly about themselves.

  2. Stella is lucky to have you as a mom! :)

    p.s. Ashley, did you read the title of this post? Just wondering...

  3. Yes, Rosala, I did, thanks - embrace your femininity to Jessi means don't get a job, don't do anything with your life other than be a wife and mother - and if you choose to do any of those things, it means you're a crappy woman who just wants to compete with men...so, I felt the need to comment - since that's utter nonsense and I am trying to help Jessi be less judgmental. It's not easy. She is extremely closed-minded.

  4. I do have to say Ashley, your cynicism has not gone unappreciated. I think if we had met under different circumstances we might actually be friends, but I'm probably just being nonsensical.