Thursday, September 13, 2012

eat the mystery

For forty long years, God's people daily eat manna - a substance whose name literally means "What is it?" Hungry, they choose to gather up that which is baffling... They find soul-filling in the inexplicable. They eat the mystery. [page 22, one thousand gifts]

I'm in that place. I'm in a desert (literally and figuratively). Granted it hasn't been 40 years and I can only pray it won't last nearly that long! But I'm there. It's a place where I have a choice. And if I'm being completely honest, I all too often choose the wrong one.

My flesh is constantly in the way. I want control. I want things to go my way. But deep down in my heart I do desire to eat the mystery. I thirst to fill my soul with the inexplicable: God's provisions, not my plan. God's way, not mine.

Most of it I may never understand. I don't know why He allows us to experience turmoil and heartache or why He sometimes leads us into these seasons of waiting. But I do know that in the desert, I thirst. I hunger. I long for Him. And instead of complaining about it, instead of grumbling and wishing it were another way, I am going to choose to gather that which is baffling. Because that which is baffling from the Lord, far outweighs me trying to write my own story.

Playing with bath toys in the backyard
[rain in the desert, last week]

As I read chapter one of one thousand gifts, I was reminded of how faithful God has been to me in previous seasons like this one. This is not my first time in the proverbial desert. I've been led here many times before. I've relied on Him and seen His plan change me, change my aching, grumbling, ungrateful heart. I know in my core that He's doing it again. And as much as my flesh wants to fight Him, wants to do things my own way, I will not give in. I will choose to follow His lead.

I anticipate that reading this book will help break me in places of pride and continue to guide me during this time where I'm experiencing God's work to humble me. Chapter one has already begun to. And there are still ten more to read!

I'll be linking up with Annie and Margaret as we read through one thousand gifts together. Won't you join us??

3 comments:

  1. Yes! I love this, Jessi. This chapter was so convicting. I had been following God's plan lately grudgingly, and chapter one reminded me, I have the choice - and perhaps more importantly, the ability, to choose to do so joyfully. It's hard - but He didn't say it wouldn't be. He did say He would walk with and comfort us - and for that, I'm thankful. I'm delighted you're joining in with us and I'm excited to read your thoughts about the rest of the book!

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  2. Loved reading your thoughts. I love that feeling of longing for the Lord. I had gotten away from the feeling recently and it's slowly returning. I know that this book will be a blessing. I look forward to following along with everyone and reading their thoughts.

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  3. I loved reading your post! And I am totally with you, Jessi! I am in that Desert Place with so many decisions to make and so much junk to get through. I kind of wish that I'd have opened up a bit more about what season I'm in on my blog, but I just couldn't find the words to do so, and felt as if I couldn't. Maybe this book will help me brave up eventually.

    My ramblings aside I enjoyed your post and look forward to reading your thoughts on the rest of OTG!

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