Thursday, May 17, 2012

the one where I get really personal

[Isaac, watching the rain fall during a spring storm]

We've been in Texas for a little more than a year now. I won't lie, we aren't super happy here. In fact, we spent our entire first year rebelling against this place altogether. And while it's definitely not where we would like to stay permanently and while there are still 8742 things on our Texas-pet-peeve-list, at least this place is finally starting to grow on us.

Look, I'm a California girl. My heart is still on the west coast. And my husband isn't a whole lot different (although he loves San Diego, his heart is still in the deserts and mountains of Nevada).

We had a plan when we moved here: finish school and leave. Simple enough, right? But that plan has been getting a little bit more complicated than we had originally anticipated. As Ben nears the end of his Gen Ed. studies at the community college, we're finding out that the university to which he planned to transfer doesn't accept several of his credits (lame right?).

So in comes a new plan. One that we don't quite know yet. We've been tossing around all kinds of ideas; looking at schools and jobs here and there; trying to keep our options open. And God has been slowly showing us that we have options. We aren't stuck. And we're so thankful for that, because when you feel stuck you are frustrated and discouraged. We were there last year and I'm thankful to be on this side of it.

Turns out, we may end up staying here after all. And I think we can stomach that. I can't tell you all of the details now (I know, boo) but when things seemed to worked out and ends are closer to being tied up, I can't wait to share what all God has been doing.

Here's the botton line: we've been in this state of waiting. You know the one. You aren't quite sure when things are going to settle down, but you can't go back to how they were before. You're just, waiting. But I've found that it's in those times, like this past year, that God really does show Himself to be faithful and true.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Proverbs 27:14

I wondered for a while if we were just going to be stuck in this place. And I don't mean Texas, I mean in anticipation; trying to figure out the next step. You watch friends find careers, settle down, start families, buy mini vans and you wonder, when will it be my turn?

But you know what God showed me? Waiting on that, anticipating security, hoping to be settled is just plain lame. So I quickly gave up on it. He's shown me, time and time again, to rely on Him. That's it. Trust in Christ, believe the scriptures and live each day not worrying about tomorrow. Stop worrying about everyone else. Stop worrying about myself even!

"There are only two days on my calendar: Today and That Day" - Martin Luther

I am certain there will come a day when we won't be waiting. I know that is the day that Christ returns or He calls me home. Until then, we'll always be waiting. But the question is, how will I spend my time?: Hoping for something I can't control; making myself frustrated and angry. Or hoping in the Lord and allowing Him to carry me through and guide my path. Trusting His plan and purpose.

Right now my purpose is to serve my family well. I don't need to know where my husband will be going to school next semester to do that. I don't need a bigger house in which to do that. I don't need to be in a place I love to do that. All I need is to focus my time and effort on each day that the Lord grants me, live in grace and have a thankful heart.

linking up with Casey Leigh


  1. You know, I've been there, the waiting place. I think it's best to make the best of every day where you are now because waiting for things to get better is a drag! Things will work out the way they are supposed to, they always do. You have a lovely spirit and I'm sure you can adapt to anything. Oh, read "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess. Funny suggestion but I always read it when I'm blah about where life is headed. Ha ha

  2. I know what you're talking about! We moved to South Africa a little over a year ago and it has been a struggle! We struggle every day not to compare things to the USA and how life would be easier if we were there. But I wanted and adventure. And we got it. Not sure how long we'll stay here, but the job market back home has to improve before we could move back...

  3. I hear ya! It's so hard sometimes just to let go of it- but it is not our decision. Thanks for this reminder (I need them a lot with our current stage of 'waiting')

  4. Yes, I know exactly the place of waiting you're talking about. I'm there, too. :0) We'll get through it! God is good! :0)

  5. i understand this so well... went through it from 2008-2010.

    "You know the one. You aren't quite sure when things are going to settle down, but you can't go back to how they were before. You're just, waiting. But I've found that it's in those times, like this past year, that God really does show Himself to be faithful and true."

    amen. xo

  6. Transition can be so so hard. We moved to the Fort Worth area about a year ago just from the other side of Texas. Even though it's been a whole year I still miss the way things used to be and still find myself feeling stuck and lonely! We don't know what the future holds, but we do know who holds it. i know that Ya'll (was that Texan enough ;)?) will blessed if you continue to seek His will!!